It’s Okay That You’re Not Who You Thought You’d Be

Many people find themselves questioning their paths, realizing that they’re not who they thought they’d be by now. From career ambitions and personal milestones to the dreams we envisioned in our youth, it’s common to feel disconnected from these expectations as we grow older. But it’s okay, life rarely unfolds as planned, and personal growth often takes us down unexpected paths. Accepting who you are now, rather than who you thought you’d be, can be empowering and liberating.

The Illusion of a Linear Life Path

Society often promotes a narrative of life as a linear path with predictable milestones: complete education, build a career, start a family, and retire successfully. But, studies show that few people follow this trajectory precisely. According to research published in Psychological Bulletin, less than 40% of adults are in the careers they initially trained for, and nearly half report they’ve experienced major life shifts in their 30s or 40s.

This non-linear path is natural, reflecting how life, experiences, and personal growth can change our values and aspirations. Rather than seeing this deviation as a failure, viewing it as an evolution opens new possibilities for self-discovery.

Understanding Why We Set Expectations for Ourselves

Expectations about who we “should” become often begin early in life. Family, culture, and even media heavily influence these ideas, often shaping what we value or aspire to achieve. These expectations can create a fixed sense of self, limiting our view of who we can be.

Common reasons people set fixed expectations include:

• Societal pressure: Meeting socially defined milestones, like career success, can seem essential to self-worth.
• Family expectations: Many people feel obligated to pursue paths valued by their family or culture.
• Self-comparison: Comparing ourselves to peers, especially on social media, creates unrealistic standards.

Realizing that personal goals are influenced by external forces can help us re-evaluate whether these aspirations align with our true values and needs.

Embracing the Value of Change and Growth

It’s not uncommon to question past goals and feel that you’ve grown beyond them. Embracing change as a natural part of life can lead to a more fulfilling existence.

Some benefits of embracing this shift in perspective include:

• Increased resilience: Accepting change fosters emotional flexibility, helping you handle life’s unexpected twists.
• Enhanced self-compassion: Letting go of unrealistic expectations allows for a kinder, more understanding relationship with yourself.
• Rediscovery of passions: Accepting that goals can evolve gives space for exploring new passions that resonate with who you are now.

This acceptance can open doors to opportunities that align with your present self rather than outdated expectations, leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Real-Life Examples: Finding Success in Unexpected Paths

There are countless examples of individuals who found success in unexpected ways by embracing who they became rather than clinging to past expectations. Take Vera Wang, who didn’t enter the fashion world until her 40s after realizing that her initial career path as a figure skater and then as a journalist no longer resonated. Today, she is celebrated worldwide as a premier fashion designer, proving that it’s never too late to change paths.

Similarly, actor Samuel L. Jackson struggled for years with career and personal challenges before landing his breakthrough role in his 40s. By not giving up on himself, even when life looked different than he anticipated, he achieved a level of success and fulfillment beyond what he initially imagined.

These stories serve as a reminder that redefining success and embracing who you are now can open the door to opportunities previously unimagined.

Strategies to Embrace Who You Are Today

Learning to be comfortable with who you are now—and not who you thought you’d be—requires intentional practice. Here are some strategies that can help you appreciate your current self:

• Practice self-reflection: Journaling or meditating on your experiences helps you understand why certain goals no longer resonate.
• Set flexible goals: Focus on growth-oriented rather than outcome-oriented goals to avoid self-imposed pressure.
• Surround yourself with positive influences: Spend time with people who value growth and encourage you to be authentic.
• Seek professional guidance: Therapy or life coaching can provide insight and tools to help you accept your current self.

By adopting these strategies, you can gradually shift away from rigid expectations and embrace a more adaptable, compassionate approach to personal growth.

Redefining Success on Your Own Terms

Letting go of who you thought you’d be doesn’t mean abandoning ambition or growth; it means realigning with goals that resonate with your authentic self. Rather than focusing on labels or past ideals, redefine success as living in alignment with your values, passions, and current aspirations. By doing so, you can find deeper satisfaction and purpose in every stage of life.

Embracing your current self allows you to live a life that’s true to you, without the burden of outdated expectations. Embracing who you are now frees you to live in the present and continue growing in ways you might not have foreseen.